“I Hate Almost All of My Friends”
By
David Gottfried
I hate almost all of my friends
They come in very boring blends
Of chastened greys that follow trends
They curtsey, bow and always bend
They're socialists who've never marched
They always wear shirts quite starched
Off to work with mouths quite parched
Palpitating, chaste and arched
Castrato choir unctuous, cute
A sound so small it’s almost mute
But their ears are quite astute
They bow before the boss’s boot
They work with papers every day
Commanding a professional’s pay
They’re deferential as molded clay
They mince and wince and obey
Yes I know I’m rude and blunt
But you’re a quivering affront
When balls are thrown you always punt
And your backside is in front