Hysterically Funny Political Recipes
(How to Cook Fantastic Political Meals from Odds and Ends in any Political Junkie’s Pantry)
Hysterically Funny Political Recipes
(How to Cook Fantastic Political Meals from Odds and Ends in any Political Junkie’s Pantry)
By
David Gottfried
How to Make a Rudy Giuliani
Mix one part “Uncle June,” or any similar crook, from the Sopranos
One part Alan Dershowitz and his lying, legalistic brain and nauseating nasality
One part Judge Judy’s diva, bitch, drag queen ruthlessness
Cook with baking soda and put in Donald Trump’s crack pipe
How to Make a Donald Trump
Combine one part Don Rickles without the Humor
One part Adolf Hitler
One part an 18 year old with a second grade reading level
Fatten and finish with the curving love handles of the Pillsbury dough boy and a female subject on the TV show “My 600 pound life.”
How to Make a Bill Clinton:
Castrate one overweight Lyndon Johnson
Add one pint Jimmy Carter moderating agent
Stir in one quart of Gomer Pyle Southern unctuousness
Mix well, garnish with mushroom
How to cook a Bill Clinton when there are no Jimmy Carters in the pantry:
Compel one Lyndon Johnson and one Gomer Pyle to homosexually copulate
Their offspring will be Bill Clinton
How to make a Hillary Clinton:
Trim and De-fat one large Bella Abzug
Sweeten with sugar and cinnamon
Glaze with Martha Stewart all purpose
bleaching and blonding sauce
Refrigerate until chilled
How to cook a Barbara Jordan:
Combine two parts Bette Davis hot Sauce
With one part cool JFK
Darken with four tablespoons of creme de Vernon Jordan
extract
Mix with one part Milicent Fenwick emulsifying agent and
Pretentiousness enhancer
How to Make a Dan Quayle:
Lobotomize one small JFK
Fry in lard and serve with Strom Thurmond hushpuppies
David Gottfried, Copyright, 1995 to 2021